Big Sis I Love You
© Ranja Kujala
My dear Big Sis, you are the greatest there is,
And amazing in everyway.
I greatly admire and look up to you,
Each and every day.

You are always showing how much you care,
From your heart that is filled with love.
You are a beautiful Angel,
Sent from the heavens above.

I am the luckiest Sis in the world,
To have grown up next to you.
We played and laughed and had fun together,
A great bond that has always stayed true.

Big Sis you are always in my heart & thoughts,
And I am always sending you a hug and kiss.
You are my world and I love you so much,
Always and Forever...Your Lil' Sis.

So, I just had a fight with my sis and somehow I find this poem really meaningful.

God, just 3 more days then it's 2012. I really don't want the year to end. I love being 16. Eventhough I went through a lot of tough times like fighting with friends, getting to meet new people and heartbreak. It's part of growing up. I really don't want to be 17. :(

Staying over at my sister's tonight. I'm kinda pissed with my friend cause obviously she doesn't understand what I'm trying to tell her. Haihs =.= I mean come on, I was there for you when you really need it the most Monday's the day where I'm going to spend time with my other sister. She's also important to me like how important you are to me too. I just wish you understand what I'm going through cause apparently you don't.

Just came back from camp. Yeah, I saw you there and it was like a million icy butterflies just entered my stomach. But again, you'll never be mine cause you have a girlfriend and I will not do anything to ruin that. The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else in return...

Gahh! This has got to be the most boring holiday ever! Instead of going on vacation, I'm stuck at home, stressing. How normal =.= God, I really wanna go out. I'm sick of staying at home, without anything better to do =.= Haihs, guess I'll just stay up tonight to watch football.

I just watched Breaking Dawn yesterday and it was okay I guess. There wasn't that much action and everyone looked weird. Robert Pattinson well he looked constipated throughout the whole movie and Kristen Stewart? Well, she still has to get over her biting lip problem. Taylor Lautner and BooBoo Stewart however looked hot and so did the other werewolves. Hmm, but I loved the songs! Especially It Will Rain by Bruno Mars. As you can see, I'm obsess with Bruno Mars for now. Owh, how can I forget! There's a football match tomorrow night. Go Manchester! Phil Jones, I know you can do it! Don't let one little mistake bring you down.

Yes, United won 1-0 against Swansea! Thank you Chicharito you rock! Up next, match against Newcastle. God, I wish somebody could kick Manchester City's ass for me. =.= Hate that bloody club. Anyway, I have no idea why I like to put pictures of people up so I'll just put a picture of Saturday's goalscorer. Chicharito :)

I dunno why I've been dozing off at such random times for the past couple of days. I blame stress =.= Haihs, it's the school holidays dammit! I'm suppose to be enjoying the last year of me being sixteen but instead I have to stress... Anyway, I don't wanna talk about stress anymore. Tonight, I'm going to stay up to watch football! Finally after two weeks of missing, Manchester United is playing again! I hope my football vibe comes back after two weeks of no action. Hmm, I think that's all. I hope my dad brings me a surprise when he gets back home. * crosses fingers, hoping for a football jersey *

It's the school holidays which means I finally get some rest but unfortunately fate thinks it's better if I stress for the next one month and a half =.= So, last Sunday, I watched Immortals and I love it! Kellan Lutz in Immortals was damn hot! And now I can't wait for Breaking Dawn. And did I tell you how obsess I am with Bruno Mars. His songs are technically stuck in my head for the past two weeks... ~ Somewhere in Brooklyn ~
p.S. Here's a picture of Kellan Lutz from Immortals so I can drool over him.

Had a great time at the party yesterday. Though I met you, I managed to put up a facade but I knew that my friends knew what I felt towards you. Yeah sure my heart skipped a beat but in reality I'll still be a nobody to you. So anyway, after the party, my friends and I went to Amcorp for lunch and eventhough the shopping mall is dead as hell, I still managed to have fun. And thank you to my guy friend who waited with me for half an hour till my parents came. I think that's all for now. Hmm, should I stay up to watch the match between England and Spain tonight?

A New Start

Okay, I'm tired of being emo all the time. It's like I barely knew myself. Whatever happened to the bubbly and happy-go-lucky girl that I used to be? The girl that always has a smile on her face, be it through the ups and downs of life. I decided that I will change my blog totally and maybe start writing on my life with my friends and family, my celebrity crushes and lastly football! So yeah, goodbye emo life!

GETTING OVER YOU

Drowning in my thoughts,
Dying in my dreams,
Hiding in the shadows,
Hiding from the sun

When I get the strength,
To face it once and for all,
I will and I must,
I will thrust my fears,
With my powers within

Taking one by one,
Is what I will do,
One of my fears,
Is getting over you

So I save that for last,
The hardest one of all,
Get over it fast,
Or else I'm gonna fall,
Fall into your web,
Cannot go through that again

So this is it,
Your time has come,
Don't come back to me,
BECAUSE I'M DONE!

I dunno why I had a dream about you last night. It felt so real that I wished it would never end. In that dream, we just met each other but then we became close friends. When you held my hand, it's like I can feel the warmness coming from your body. And when you're next to me, it feels like you're really there beside me. And your smile is the same smile that you always had plastered on your face. Just thinking back about it makes me wanna cry cause it's all just a dream. And it's true I can't go on without you. Your smile makes me see clear. If only you could see it in the mirror what I see...

We have 2 eyes to see our way to the future,
We have 2 ears to hear the whisper of an angel,
We have 2 hands to hold on to someone precious to us,
And we have 2 feet to walk side by side with the one we love,
Then why do we only have 1 heart?

Exams are nearing and I have to try my hardest to not think about you. It would be hard but I will pull through...

So, had a lunch function yesterday and you were there. I wished all the things that I've said about getting over you is much easier said than done. When you smiled, I just wanna hide my face somewhere else because I know I was blushing like a tomato. When you talked, gahh! I know that you have someone on your mind already and I don't wanna break anything between you guys, so I just pray that someday these feelings would just fade away like the leaves being blown away by the wind...

I'm Getting Over You

Even if it takes forever,
I'll get myself together,
I've been doing it so much better,
I'm getting over you,
I'm getting over you most of the time,
If I say it like I mean it,
Then maybe I'll believe it like it's true,
I'm getting over you...

I guess as time flew past, it's getting better to forget about someone that you thought you cared for. For once, I don't have to fake a smile anymore. I know there will be someone for me out there. Someone better than you... And maybe then, I can finally move on...

Letting Go Takes Love

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
and
To let go and to let God, is to find peace !
Remember: The time to love is short

I know it's been a long time since I updated my blog. It's getting better. The days that passed is getting better without me having to think of you. The thought that you would never be mine did crushed me a few weeks back but now I'm stronger. Life goes on. I find no reason to cry over someone that will never be yours. Maybe, there's someone better for me out there. Finally, things are letting up... Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy they just promised it would be worth it...

Saw you again twice this week. On Thursday and today. I don't think you know it but my heart skipped a beat when I saw you. Eventhough it hurts to see you with that girl, as long as you're happy then I guess I'm happy for you. When you stared at me today, I swear I couldn't look away. I guess the hardest thing to do is watch the person you love, love someone else in return.

Enchanted

This is me praying that this was the very first page,
Not where the story line ends,
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again,
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon,
I was enchanted to meet you,
Please don't be in love with someone else,
Please don't have somebody waiting on you...

This song really reflects me right now. It just hurts when you wish you actually had the chance but to find out from your friend about it just crash all your hopes down. When I found out about it, I felt empty. I felt no point in liking a person that will never be yours. I'm so used to heartbreak and this is just another one. But it still shattered my heart. Maybe, I'm just not that lucky when it comes to love...

I can burn my self under the heat of the sky,
Dreaming of you soaring high,
Reaching the chances to be with you,
Enhancing the word and the things I should do,
All I wish is to be with you and I guess that won't do,
Making my knees tremble every step you make,
Oh, I can still remember the day I spend in jubilee,
For nothing to do but to pray and hope faithfully,
Yes, maybe I'm dumb and ugly but,
One thing is for sure my beloved,
Under this emptiness, you filled up my SOLITUDE

Losing Trust

Is it wrong for a person to like another person from another race? I dunno why but when people found out that I have feelings for you, they just seem to object it. I wonder why are there still people like that out there. Love knows no boundaries. I know that I don't know you that well but it still hurts when they start saying bad things about you. They don't know how much it hurts me whenever they said all these things. Why can't they just accept that I like you? Especially to this one person out there. We're over and that's it. I have absolutely no more feelings for you so just accept that fact. I thought you said that you'll be happy for me and support my decision. Then why can't you just accept the fact that I like him? You're a sore loser and it really hurts when those words came from you itself. The person who I thought I can trust. No matter what people say, they can't stop me from liking you cause for me love is something that no one can deny...

I hate being confuse. I dunno why but I can't seem to stop thinking of you since this past whole week. Just when I thought I'm gonna stick to my only crush, you just have to make an appearance and voila, my heart melts just by looking at you. When I saw you yesterday, I swear my heart skips a beat. Eventhough you don't know me, and I don't really know you, I just wish that I would be given the opportunity to at least be an acquaitance to you. :/ What happens if you have found your Prince Charming but you're not his Cinderella?

Give me a hint,
Just one little clue,
To let me know why,
I have a crush on you,
Don't make me feel silly,
Or worse,even shy,
And I'll listen to what you have to say,
If you just tell me why,
Is it the way you listen,
and talk to me,
Or the look on your face,
When I do something silly?
Is it the cute habits you have unlike no one else,
That make me wish I could have you all to myself?

Haihs, another day just passed by again. Ever since, I last saw you on Thursday, I really missed you and I just wish you knew. Had a dream about you a few nights back. I can't really remember what it was about but I remembered that you gave me a tight hug and promised to not let me go. Then, we ended up laughing and had fun dancing and just enjoying ourselves. That reminds me of the memories of last time. I guess that would be the last time, I'll meet you...

Trying to get over someone, is like trying to forget someone you've never met. That's exactly how I feel now. I thought I was slowly getting over you but I was wrong. It takes longer than I thought it would be. Seeing your smile and all.Just having you ruffle my hair, and feeling your warmth when you touch me, I know it might seem weird that I'm writing this but it shows how hard it is for me to get over you. I guess last Thursday might be the last time we'll ever see each other. And soon, I have to move on in the end.

Had a dream last Saturday and it was about you... I can't really remember what it was but I know that it had something to do with our friendship. Apparently, we were really close friends but we drifted apart because you found someone. I can still see it clearly like it really happened. All the touches and smiles that happened in the dream felt like reality. I wished I was really there with you but dreams are meant to be dreams...

Saw you last Monday. Just for a moment, I finally had a smile on my face. Eventhough it was just a short meeting, it still feels like I had a million butterflies in my stomach. Just that simple touch of your fingers on my face made me have goosebumps. I really miss the fun times we had together. The memories of those times will forever be etched in my memory...

So, I saw you again today. Somehow, I always thought that I would get over you sooner than I expected but I was wrong cause I just can't seem to stop looking at you. Gahh, what's wrong with me? I'm so confused, I guess I thought I was over you cause I didn't see nor joke around with you for nearly two weeks but it sucks. You have no idea what you did to me. But somehow I just wish you knew so that it won't hurt that much...

I guess it takes time to get over someone. It's hard but I'm trying my best. It helps when I actually have something to distract myself with. I have to give credit to this one actor, BooBoo Stewart. Eventhough he's just an actor, just by looking at his face makes me forget about whatever that's bothering me. And that includes you. Sometimes I wish the rumours about you having a girlfriend is not true cause I can't bear to see you with another girl. But if she makes you happy, then I guess I'll be happy for you. How, I wish sometimes I don't have to wake up from my dreams only to face the nightmares of my reality...

P.S. I'll just put
a picture of him here cause I can't bear to think about you anymore.

Confused

Some days you seem so close
like you stand right before me
But then the next day you seem so far
like each other we can't see,
Each day is like a roller coaster
with my stomach turning upside down
You stand there looking
but yet you don't utter a sound,
I feel so confused and
my heart is being torn at its seams
And every night that I sleep
you seem to linger in my dreams,
Every time I look at you
I forget all my thoughts
And right then and there
it's you that my heart has sought,
Every time I hope
it turns into something bad
So for right now I'll stop thinking
And maybe things won't end up sad.

- Jennifer Woooters -

Letting Go

I can't take it anymore. Everytime I see your face, I feel like crying. Just the mention of your name mades me tear up. I can't bear it when other people talk to you, cause I know I can never be that close. I know that we're not together but it still hurts. Why should I even care? You never cared about me all this while. Maybe it's time for me to let you go. I wish it would be as easy as ABC but that will never bound to happen. True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you...

Confusion

I'm confused once again. I can't figure out my feelings for you. Is it real or is it merely a crush? Day by day, I can't help thinking about you. I know it's only been a month but the image of you still haunts me, especially your smile. I really wish you knew how I feel for you but I still can't say anything cause I don't want to ruin our friendship. I know I've said this a million times but I guess i just have to make my point clear. Now I'm even more confused cause I kept on thinking about this other person. But I guess it doesn't matter right cause you'll never know how I feel for you...

Smile by Rin Schiffer

I remembered your first smile
The smile that saves my life
From the edge of darkness
The smile that dry up my tears
And scares away the evil around me

Your smile,
Is the smile that makes up my day
Into the most beautiful day
I could ever wish for

I remembered
On the day you left
I cried so hard until
I could hear nothing
Except for your last word
‘smile’

Smile,
That is the word that portrays you
The word that I use to describe you
The word that reminds me of you
The word that I make as a part
Of me since you left

Smile,
That is the most likable action of yours
The action that could make
The saddest person happy
The action that I carry out every day
The action that always reminds me of you

Smile…

I wish you knew how addicted I am to see you smile...

I miss you, I really do, but I can't say anything to you... I miss the day when I first met you, when I first talk to you, when I first smiled at you, when I first hugged you. I miss all the times that we had together but most of all, I miss you the most...

I Just Can't

I close my eyes,

And see you by my side.

I turn to sigh,

You're beauty gives me life.

I slightly smile,

To thank the God above the skies.

And slowly wish,

And slowly wish,

This dream to never come to end.

Cause I know…

I just can't…

I just can't kiss you,

The way I really want to.

I just can't hold you,

The way I need you here with me.

I just can't touch you,

The way I want it all to be.

I just can't love you,

I just can't…

I watch to see,

In silence, without you catching me.

I tried to hide,

The feelings I keep inside.

I wait patiently,

Continue life so specially.

And cry to sleep,

And cry to sleep,

That someday'll turnout to be.

Cause I know…

I just can't…

I just can't kiss you,

The way I really want to.

I just can't hold you,

The way I need you here with me.

I just can't touch you,

The way I want it all to be.

I just can't love you,

I just can't…

I walk away,

Forget my heart and what it says.

I turn to leave,

And never walk you're path again.

I say good-bye,

Erase all memories inside.

I'll be gone,

I'll be gone,

Forever from your side.

Cause I know…

I just can't…

I just can't kiss you,

The way I really want to.

I just can't hold you,

The way I need you here with me.

I just can't touch you,

The way I want it all to be.

I just can't love you,

I just can't…

Though it hurts,

Though I hate this feeling,

I just can't ignore it.

Though it hurts,

Though I hate this feeling,

I just can't turn around.

Cause I know…

I just can't…

I just can't kiss you,

The way I really want to.

I just can't hold you,

The way I need you here with me.

I just can't touch you,

The way I want it all to be.

I just can't love you,

I just can't…

Got this from Fan Fiction, written by kr kill. This poem really means a lot...

Went out yesterday and saw you. Seeing your face just puts a smile on my face. The first person that greeted me when I arrived inside the hall was you. That just made my day and I just realized how much I missed seeing your smile and the secret handshake that you showed me. I'm sorry that I didn't get to do the handshake with you. I saw the dissapointment in your face and I'm really sorry. But I managed to make you laugh and that was all I need to see the smile go back to your face. I really missed the fun times we had together. You might not know it but it means a lot to me. I didn't get to say goodbye to you, and I regretted that. I really hope I can meet you again cause I don't want my fragile heart to ever break again...

Enchanted

This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you too
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you...

I just wish you knew how I felt for you...

Missing You.

I miss you like the deserts miss the rain,
almost gone on a wilderness campaign.
I miss you like the trees the sun in winter,
Come back and be their electrostatic printer.

Bring back the days of laughter,
Abandon whatsoever you quest after.
Make gone this total eclipse;
Blow the darkness with the rays from your lips.

Come back and once more let's meander,
be the mistress, my heart's commander.
Don't abandon your fleet to sink,
Come to my rescue, save without a wink.

Erase the thoughts from that awful night;
Make its thought be gone on a one-way flight.
Don't make it stay like an indelible ink,
but erase from the memory with an eye's blink.

Let a fresh start be at hand,
Let the flowers blossom on this cultivated land.
Let your smile be the rays and love its fertilizer,
Let your hand be the source for a neutralizer.

If only you could see past this eclipse,
look at the brighter future with a glimpse.
No procrastination, but hope,
and prayers just like the pope.

Then we will begin anew,
Let love be the binding glue.
Let it flow its course and run,
and the future will tell in the long run.

- Calley @ krysty -

Three weeks had passed. I can't believe I'm actually counting. Hmm, I was hoping to meet you today but I guess I can't make it. I actually got distracted for once when Shue was talking about JBOD or Justin Bieber Obsessive Disorder. Then, got distracted the same day when my dad brought a French foreigner into the car. He was cute but I wished it was you. Haha, I guess it's kinda lame that sometimes I wish everything that happened to me with other people is actually happening with you. I guess it's true when they say trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met...

Silent Love...

Have you ever been silently in love
With someone you can never have?
So close you can touch his hand
Yet, so far to feel his heart?

Have you ever lived in pretense
Quietly loving without any condition?
A feeling of love that's unknown
Hiding it, not knowing for how long.

Have you ever fallen deeply
Loving the person unconditionally?
So afraid to say what you feel
Acting normal, keeping things still.

Have you ever been hurt unintentionally
But put on a smile, pretended to be happy?
Deep inside you're in pain and suffering
But outside you're jolly and laughing.

Why does holding his hand feel so right?
Your heart smiles everytime he's at sight
Hearing his sweet voice makes your day
Hope you can hug him in a special way.

Author: Reden Magpantay Jobli

Smile :)

School day today. Nothing much happened in school. I thought by going to school, it would make me think less of you, but I was wrong. You would never leave my mind no matter where I am. Just when I thought my day couldn't get worst, there you were. Walking with a big smile on your face. Seeing your smile just makes my day. And just like that all my worries fade away. When you saw me and gave me a smile, I swore that there were a million butterflies in my stomach. It's like the angels sent you there to make my day. And thinking back, I wish I am fortunate to see your smile everyday but alas that could only happen in my dreams.

Smiling is infectious,
You can catch it like the flu.
Someone smiled at me today,
And I started smiling too.

Forgetting You...

It hurts to breathe because every breath I take proves I can't live without you.
To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.
A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.
Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.
The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.
The stupidest mistake in life is thinking the one who hurt you the most, won't hurt you again.
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
Love is unconditional, relationships are not.
For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these,
It might have been...

Someone Like You...

That very first day that we met
It’s a feeling I’ll never forget.
All the experiences that we’ve shared,
I knew right away that you were rare.
You see, it’s hard to find a someone like you,
Usually they’re too good to be true.
Though I should’ve entered with more ration,
But with you I felt so much passion.
I wish those things had never happened.
It feels as though my love’s been abandoned.
All I wanted was to make you happy,
So why is it that I have to feel so crappy?
I want nothing more than for us to move on,
But it’s so hard now that the trust is gone.
I want to get past this, I really do…
What can I do to make you be true?
My love for you is like an undying flame.
And I once wished for our love to remain.
Do you remember that day, the day that it snowed?
It’s the day that I wished for our love to grow.
You hurt me that night, you need to know that you did.
And I need you to know that I can forgive.
But I’m really struggling with trying to forget,
Because I still feel the same as that first day we met.

-elivyan-

Dream a Little Dream...

Can't believe that time flew by so fast. Just a week ago we were having fun together with you showing your tricks to me. I didn't want to admit it but you were really good with what you did. But that was all a distant memory. The times that we spent together will not repeat itself in the future, it will forever remain etched in my memory. I wish I had never met you, then I would not have to face all this confusion. If only, I wasn't send to that place then my life would be back to how it was before. But looking back, you changed me. You made my life more colourful and you taught me something valuable. " There are no winners here because we are all winners " those were the exact words that you muttered. You made me realized that winning is not everything and how important friendship really is. Though we did not know each other for long, I still value the friendship that we formed in the short period of 4 days. I regretted never telling you how much I appreciated your company and how you made this such a memorable experience. Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Yes, I regretted it but I guess it would have been better if I didn't tell you. I just pray that one day when I look back upon this memories, there will be no more regrets because I want it to be an everlasting memory. Alas, I can only hope to dream a little dream...

Feelings

Have you ever felt that you don't ever wanna wake up from your dream cause it's just too beautiful? I've felt that way so many times ever since you made your way into my dreams. Sometimes I wish that the dreams that I dreamed are my reality cause then you would know how I truly feel for you. But alas, dreams are just the games of the mind. In my dreams, you knew how I feel and it was just great that I don't have to bottle up all my emotions in my heart. And I won't have to cry for you every single night like this. You're the first and last thing I think of every single day and it hurts me cause you will never know how I feel for you. Thinking back to the first time I met you, I totally hated you. Weird isn't it how this feelings can change in a matter of months. And now I'm totally taken back by you. Everything that we did together leaves a mark in my heart.The simple touches, the simple one word sentences all means a lot to me. But I know I can never have you because what I have for you is just a simple crush. It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to love someone but a lifetime to forget about someone...

Just came back from Subang. It was ok and yeah my feelings are so mixed up right now, I don't even know what to say. If I don't write it down, I might explode. Have you ever felt that everything was just going ok with your life but then everything changes just by the presence of someone? I thought my life was going okay, but then he came. And it stirred new feelings in me. It doesn't help the fact that I like another guy. I'm so bloody confused right now cause technically, I can't stop thinking about him :( I tried and after today's event gahh, I don't even know what to say. I just wish I can walk up to him and tell him how I feel just to get it out but I can't cause that would ruin our friendship. So now, I like two people at the same time and that is not cool with me. I feel like crying right now cause no one seems to understand how I'm feeling right now...

Just came back from Supercamp! It was damn awesome! Technically, i cried yesterday cause I really missed all my friends that I made there. I know kinda lame in a way. Omg, I'm so going again next year. That's for sure but it won't be the same without the same team and the people that made it awesome. Gahh, am already missing all of them :'(

OMG!!! School holidays are finally here! Well, technically I skipped a day off from school but who bloody cares??!! Somehow, I can't wait for Super Camp cause I'm going with all my awesome friends! Love them :) Well, I think I screwed up all my exam papers but it's life. What to do? Gahh, too excited to type anything. Chao! Happy holidays!

Haihs, I'm bloody stressed with the fact that my friend is like keeping away secrets from me cause she thinks she finds it useless to tell me anything cause she said the only thing i gave her is advice. Well, what do you expect when the only thing you tell me is your problems. Don't expect me to nod my head and say "LOL" cause that's not like me. And for god's sake if you find it annoying that I so call stick to you like a leech then bloody tell me! And for god's sake that's what friends do, we walk and talk to each other if you hate it so much then don't have any friends. Haihs, sometimes it's so tiring facing the same thing. The only comfort I have right now is my guy friend. He's the best just by being here for me. :)

Exam week! And it will last till next week. OMG, I can't wait for it to be over. I think I screwed up my history paper but I'm just praying that the teacher don't mind. So, I just wanna write down my dream since my diary is running out of pages. It involves my friend getting married to my cousin. And the whole wedding theme was pink == and I have no idea why Prince William and Harry was in my dream. But hey I'm not complaining ^^ Especially since Prince Harry looooks so damn bloody hot in that dream. I think I better stop now before I start gushing over him...

Uhh. I'm so fucking stress I feel like I need to see a pyschiatrist == Exams are next monday and I can't wait for it to be over. I screwed up my interview and technically it's just a bad week for me == Why can't everything just run smoothly for once?? But I know that's not gonna happen. Haihs life is so not fair for me right now ==

Gahh! I'm officialy 16! Well not until 10.24 but still. Well, I didn't receive any presents yet but I don't really mind actually. So my friends are still planning my birthday and finally! They're letting me in the plan. Well, just a bit but still. Hmm, I don't think I have anything else to update. So yeah, chao!

Thank God for the long weekend! I'm so tired what with helping my mun for an occasion. I wish I was paid to do that =.= Anyways, I missed the Royal Wedding and I really wanted to watch it! I find it so sweet that a normal girl like Kate could actually marry a prince. Haha not gonna happen to me. But you know every girl has a dream. Haihs, I have no idea what else to update except that my birthday is coming soon!!!

Phew! I'm feeling so tired. Just came back fom Malacca and yeah did nothing there. Just ate and sleep and then go shopping. That place never cease to amaze me. Anyways, I hate the fact that my friends are planning my birthday and they're not telling me a single thing! They said it's a surprise birthday thingy ==* Gahh! I'll just pray that it doesn't involve anything embarassing or humiliating.

Have you ever had a dream where you actually felt like you were in it? Kinda like Inception? Well yeah that's what happened last night. I dreamed of you and it felt like I was really there with you, having fun and enjoying ourselves. And when we hugged, it really felt real, like you were really there with me. Though I know dreams are just games of our mind, I just wished for once that my dream would come true..

It has been two months since I last saw you. And yeah, I guess it feels kinda weird not seeing you at the place where you always go to. Haihs, I think that's all that I want to update since I have practically nothing else to update..

Crush

When I first saw you,
It was like looking at an angel,
You were too perfect,
But I know you'll never be mine,
Cause what I have for you is just a crush,
The first time we met,
Sent a tiny spark of flame to me,
Did you feel it too?
Cause you're just a crush,
I know I'll never get over you,
Cause it's hard for me to forget,
Everything that we did,
Eventhough it was only one simple smile and one single word,
It means the world to me,
But I know we'll never be,
Cause you dunno how I feel,
Cause what I have for you is just a crush...

Song at Capri

When beauty grows too great to bear
How shall I ease me of its ache,
For beauty more than bitterness
Makes the heart break.
Now while I watch the dreaming sea
With isles like flowers against her breast,
Only one voice in all the world
Could give me rest.


-Sara Teasdale-

It's only Wednesday and I'm feeling tired already -.- I'm not in the best of mood for this past couple of days and I have no idea why. I don't think it's cause of the monthly visit but I generally blame my hormones. It kinda sucks when your friend won't listen to you but expect you to listen to them and it sucks when they say they're getting tired of what you're saying. Gahh! Sometimes, I can't help with what I say, it just comes out and if I talk about my crush then so what? I've been listening to you for god knows how long, rambling on about the same person but I didn't complain about anything. Haihs, life is so unfair...

Had a great time at ICC yesterday. After that went to Pavillion to just hangout and watched movies together. Watched Sucker Punch. The movie was okay but I like the fighting sequence definitely. But then I wished he was there but obviously that didn't happen =(

I Wish This Poem Were Pixie Dust

I wish this poem were pixie dust
To throw into your eyes
And make you see the loveliness
Beneath my sad disguise.

And I would take you in my arms
And weave a magic spell
That I could utter anytime
To make you love me well.

But alas my simple words
Are like summer rain
That drums on hills and fields and hearts,
Then vanishes again.

And though my love might make you bloom,
You turn with fragile grace
To gaze in aching loneliness
At someone else's face.

We lust for what we cannot have,
A long, unbroken chain
Of lovers who remain unloved
And loved who love in vain.

While I'm near mad with wanting you
As trees must have the sun,
You cannot help but find a love
Who loves another one.

-Nicholas Gordon-

Love Sucks...

It hurts when the person that you like dunno how you feel about them. You tend to do all this crazy stuff for them but they don't even know it. That's exactly what's hapening to me right now. I shouldn't have put my hopes up too high knowing it would never happen. God, I'm such a fucking idiot! I shouldn't have followed my friend if not I wouldn't have met you and my life won't be this miserable. Thanks to you, I can't even think straight cause you're the only one that I think about, and at night I can't sleep just thinking of you and sometimes I stayed up just to look up at the midnight sky and hope that you're looking at the exact same thing as me. And I have a particular song that reminds me of you. And sometimes I wish a shooting star exists so that I can wish upon a star. But dreams are only meant to be fantasies and nothing more. If only you know how I feel for you...

School reopens tomorrow and I'm so fucking lazy to go =.= haihs I wish holidays can be forever. So watched Big Momma and Battle: Los Angeles. The first novie was god-awful funny but the second movie makes me wanna bite my nails for god knows what reason. So, I can't help falling for this one person and it's fucking killing me cause I can't help thinking about that person. I sound lovesick though. =.= And I think it's weird cause I keep on smiling to myself because I'm thinking of that person...

Holidays are finally here!!! I can finally sleep, eat, play games, online till the wee hours of the morning and watch tv as much as I want!!! Yahoo!!! Anyways, exams are finally over and I'm so glad. Went for probationer's seminar today. It was kinda boring at first but it became fun when the time came for the group activity. Met a lot of new people though. And I feel so devastated just looking at the pictures of the disaster that happened in Japan. I hope that they will be alright. Condolences to them. Till the next time. Chao.

Omigod I'm so freaking out right now!!! Exams are like next week and I'm so not prepared for it! Gaah, I'm still freaking out. Won't be updating for a while now. Chao.

Had a great time hanging out at Dropzone yesterday with Shue, Aiman and Marian. Wish I could go again. Haha but don't think I can make it since there's SEWO next Friday. Haihs I'm feeling kinda lifeless now so I don't think I will update much. Chao.

Gaah!!! I have no idea why I feel so desperate to go for the Justin Bieber concert. I blame my friends for all this -.- and I hate the fact that I have a fucking bad flu and it makes me sound like Justin Bieber when he just reached puberty. Haha. Well, I really have no idea what to update so chao.

I'm so fucking pissed after what happened yesterday. Nobody and I meant NOBODY stops somebody while they're in the middle of performing a song. Like what the hell is your bloody problem?! If you want it to be your way then you could have at least posted it on the board saying 'NO MEDLEY' and please lar, it's a bloody competition, it's time for us to shine so don't be so damn particular. Why don't you try putting yourself in our shoes? How would you feel if you're in the mood and someone just killed it by saying " You're not suppose to ask the crowd to sing along" What the fuck?! Dude, that is so fucking stupid!!! And please have some manners lar sikit, if you wanna comment on our performance why can't you wait till we finish?? But NOOOOO you just have to do it right in front of the crowd before waving us off. And why so racist?? Don't tell me that people who are not the same colour are not worth it to join this competition. My friend who sang so damn well didn't even make it to the finals. And thank you for making us feel so un-TALENTED by saying to the crowd that if you wanna watch a better performance just wait for the finals. Gahh!!! I'm never joining another talent competition.

I'm back after 4 torturous days at my hometown!!! I have no idea what to update except for the fact that school reopens tomorrow which sucks like hell. So I think that's for now. Bye.

It kinda sucks that we didn't made it for ICC but it's okay coz I know we did our best and besides we still have next year. Haha and I wanna watch Green Hornet but my parents don't agree -.- That's so not fair. I think that's all for now. Chao.

YAHOO!! The ICC audition is over and I feel so happy. It's like a heavy boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. So the only thing I have to worry about is the fact whether we made it or not. I hope so yes. And we made it for SEWO too!! I think that's all I need to update since I don't think I have anything else. Chao and happy holidays and HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

I dunno why I'm always stuck in between everytime my friends get in a fight. The audition for SEWO was alright hope that we can make it and GAHH!! I don't wanna go to school tomorrow but I have to for the camp thingy. I rather have 9 periods of English Literature. Haha well I think that's all. Chao.

Had a great time practicing yesterday though I don't really call it a proper practice since all of us nearly slept for two hours but were interrupted everytime by Justin Bieber. Haha. Gonna have another practice tomorrow. Somehow, I can't wait for the auditions. I think that's all for now. Chao.

Only the second week of school and you're still like this. It feels weird not having you around but there's nothing I can do about it. Life's great so far. Can't wait to start practicing with my band mates tomorrow for ICC. And so far I made tons of friends that I never thought would have happened. Well I think that's it so far. Till the next time.

School started this week and I already hated it. Not the fact that I have to study again but the fact that my so-called friends has all turned backstabber on me. So what just cause I'm in a different class than you guys, you think you're smarter than me? Come on, just cause you're in a smarter class does not make you more clever than me. And now I finally see your true colours. Why didn't you tell us earlier that you were performing with another group? For god's sake tell us earlier so that we know! You have no idea how bad you make me feel. I thought we were best friends but heck, you ditched your own best friend for 9 years just to be with your "new friends". I don't want to lose you as a friend but if this is goes on than I dunno what else to do..

Gaah!!! School starts tomorrow and I'm kinda excited for it and I have no idea why. Hmm I wonder what class will I get to be in this year. Had a great New Year cause I got to celebrate it with my family. Well I really have no idea what to update next so bye.