Two Worlds

You know what sucks the most? When your own mother compares your friend to another friend. It feels like you don't respect my decision on who I choose to be my friends. Please don't compare them to my previous ones. The ones who told me that they would always be there for me, ended up leaving me. So what's the point of being friends with those kind of people? I know you don't really like it when I hangout with them cause of your first impression on them. But please respect my decisions.

Tearing Me Apart

I really hate this feeling of jealousy. I mean is it even normal in the first place? He's only my friend nothing more than that which means that he has every right to flirt or be with any girl that he wants to. And that would be the moment when I have to let him go. I'm not ready for that. Had a little argument when I found out that this friend of his wanted to study with him. I have nothing against him going but jealousy sets in. Cause I still remembered that moment when I saw him with that girl and it's like a nightmare all over again if that were to happen. Seeing him so happy with that girl, it broke my heart cause all I could do was just sit and stare. It's like I meant nothing to him that time. It's my feeling of insecurities and jealousy that's causing me to be like this. And I hate it. I have no right to control his life so why should I care in the first place right? I guess I'm just a selfish person that wants him all to myself. But the truth is, I'm just afraid that he would find someone prettier, smarter, funnier and better than me. I just wish he knew how much he means to me.

One In A Million

Today was a great day. Spent time with the friends and it was definitely a much needed break. Did all those crazy things and it made me realize how much I really don't want to lose them. Or part ways with them. Especially my two best friends. How much they really mean to me. They've always been there for me and I'm really thankful for that. They're definitely one in a million. This short post is dedicated to the both of them. Thank you so much guys. Love you lots.

Little Things

You know, he has always been my weakness. And he doesn't even know it. Every little thing about him, his smile, his laugh, his eyes, his smell, everything about him means everything to me. I can never stay mad at him for too long no matter what kind of bullshit he puts me through. Yeah sure, I've wasted so many tears on him and he doesn't even know it. I could never tell him that because he always said that I should not waste my tears on him. But he would never know how I feel. Sometimes, I wonder is it all worth it? All the tears, all the times I stayed up just waiting for his reply which never came at times, getting ignored at times, being teased but when I looked at his face, I could never bring myself to hate him. For once, I wished he could at least experience what I'm feeling every single day. People say that I should move on, but saying it is way easier than actually experiencing it. Having him as my best friend is better than not having him in my life. And I'll just keep it that way then and just push my feelings away and hope that it fades. The second we became friends, was the moment I fell in love. But the moment you called me a friend was the second my heart broke into a million pieces. Too bad, you'll never want to help me pick them back up.

Friday Night

Kind of a slow day today. Was supposed to head out to KL, but the sister got sick so we're heading out tomorrow instead. Am looking forward for the exams to end. No more studying till college, hangout all day with the friends and doing whatever crazy things I wanna do. Too bad I'm always running short of money. It's great to have a week long break from exams. Am planning to go hangout with friends this Wednesday and I hope that everything goes according to plan. I mean I wanna ask my friend but what if she asks is it okay to bring her fling partner? No dude it's not okay. My other friend really wanna talk to you. And I hope you won't hate me if I dragged you long to meet him. How I wish every night was Friday night?

I'll Take My Chances

Exams are going okay. I have five more papers to sit for. I really can't wait for it to end and then it would be freedom for real! Well, the bitch is acting kinda weird lately. She started talking to my friends whom she said she would not talk with but she went back on her words. I'm not hating her for it or anything but sometimes, I'm just scared that the same thing would happen again like last time. My sister and my parents said that she's only doing that because she has no friends and she wants to make amends again. Moving on, my other friend. Something about her has changed and she's kinda becoming something that she said she won't be. I love her a lot but it's like I rarely know her anymore. I admit that it's my fault cause I don't hangout with her as much as last time since I'm hanging out with my other friend but she's always chatting with this one guy. I know she just broke up but isn't it better if she lay off the radar for a few months before moving on. I know that I have no rights to control her life but I just don't think it's right to move on that fast. And come on, you only met that guy in what a week? And you're already in a fling with him? I mean as long as you're happy then I'm happy too but like I said before isn't it too fast? You only met him and you already got into a fight and blaming yourself and all. What happened to that previous guy that you liked? Have you forgotten about him? I don't want to say it to your face because I can't bear to hurt your feelings but you're just so different now. It's like you're dying for attention from guys. And that is so not you. Whatever happened to my friend that was always happy-go-lucky and dishing out advice to me to take care of my heart when it comes to boys? I miss that.

Catch Your Wave

The big day is tomorrow and I'm nervous like shit. I feel like I don't have enough time for anything and I feel like I didn't manage to cover all the subjects and topics that are coming out. I'm panicking like shit and it is so not helping me. I'm so blank right now, that's why I'm onlining instead of studying. My parents said I'm too stressed out and my sister said that I studied too much and need a break. Hmm, honestly I dunno what to do now. Anyways, moving on, my friend had a confrontation with me and my best friend. So, the whole thing started because he felt left out. I mean that's kinda lame when he's the one that started this whole thing over something so small. I dunno if I can forgive him for what he did to my best friend. So, I'm ending it here, let's just pray that I can pass my exams with flying colours.