Making A Memory

Life has never felt sweet and bitter at the same time. A lot happened. Regrets, happiness, wishes, emotional breakdowns but it's all a part of growing up. Life was never a fairytale. Everything happens for a reason and in the end, you'll only end up stronger and not weaker because that's what life is all about. I learned my lesson and this will forever haunt me that's for sure. It will forever remain etch in my brain as a bittersweet memory.

Friends Don't Let Friends Dial Drunk

I just dunno why I've been feeling happy for these past couple of days. Must be because of him. I feel like we've become closer than before. I've been staying up till four in the morning just to keep him company and we just talked about the most random stuffs. Yesterday was a little emotional. I never actually opened up to a guy before, he was my first. It was embarrassing to tell him how I really felt when we hugged but I was glad to know that I was his first and he would always protect me no matter what. I never felt this way before. And yeah his hugs are slowly becoming my drug too. I really miss him so bad. I just wished he was right beside me now, playing the guitar and singing whatever song pops into his head. Then we would laugh and talk about anything and then we can go to the park and push each other on the swings. I wish, but it won't come true. I just miss my best friend.

You And Me

I guess everything is okay now. I'm kinda looking forward to the future and not thinking back about the past. What's passed is pass and there's nothing but to live in the moment and look forward to the future. Had a long talk with him yesterday and kept him company till the wee hours of the morning. I guess it's a step forward isn't it? I don't mind being just friends as long as we get to be together just you and me. You said you're not ready yet and I know this might sound really corny but I'll wait for you. I'll show you the ropes of everything and anything that you need to know to the best of my capabilities cause that's what friends do. I really value our friendship so let's be Bonnie and Clyde together. just cause we can.

Hate I Really Don't Like You

So, I had everything sorted out. He said that I'm the first girl to make him feel this way. To care for him and treat him this way. I never realized how much he valued my friendship with him. I felt freaking guilty cause I made him worry so much about me. I cried a lot these past couple of days all thanks to him. But it's all sorted out now. He told me that if I were to hate him, he deserves it. How is that possible? I can never bring myself to hate him. He means everything to me. He told me he can't bear to lose me. It was really, really, I just dunno how to describe it. It felt so surreal. I just want him to know that I love him so much and I hope we remain friends. I don't wanna lose you and I hope that you would try your best to hold on to me too.

Come Back To Me

I'm really confused right now. It feels like my feelings are being played. My friend said that the guy that I liked, only like me as a friend. I find it hard to believe cause if it was true he would tell me himself and not ask someone else to tell it to me. He made it more suspicious when he said he can't tell me if he's around. Like what the hell does that mean? Just last week, he was getting jealous over my other guy friend putting his head on my shoulder, just a few days back he told me to take care of myself and just two days back I told him my dream and he said that it was just a dream and everything would be okay. My friend told me to not believe a single thing he said cause it could probably be a lie. But if that were to happen, I'm expecting for the worst. But I just hope that it's not and this is all just a bad thorn in my life. Just I hope that your feelings for me is real. I just want you to come back to me.

Our Time Now

Trials are over! I don't count Arts, PE and Civic as part of trials so that means freedom till November. A lot happened I guess throughout this week. Last Sunday, we spend time just talking about us. And on Monday, he told me a little bit about his background which he rarely tells anybody. It's kinda surprising that he's actually opening up to me, somebody he just met. But I guess it's a sign of trust since I trusted him to not tell my deepest secret. And I hate making him angry over something that I did. Well, technically I'm not sure whose fault was it. My friend slept on my shoulder and he saw and his face was disappointed? He kept on glancing at me but my friend said he was really pissed. I cried thinking that I'm the one that caused this. But it's not. He was just jealous but he can't say anything cause we're just friends. And today he drew a heart on my paper without him realizing it but he blushed when I pointed it out to him and tried to covered it up which was bloody adorable. Somehow, I feel like he's the reason I look forward to every single day. He makes me smile and laugh even though I'm always the victim of his pranks but that's what I love about him.

Karma

Do you ever get the feeling of ultimate guilt over something that happened? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling now. Apparently, his things went missing and I'm partially to blame for it I guess even though he didn't say anything about it. I won't talk about it since I'll feel guilty all over again. If I thought I have enemies that only consist of one girl, well apparently I think this one Form 3 girl hates me. It's not my fault that I always hangout with him or something and stop giving me that bloody glare when I walk with him or something. You have a boyfriend so go suck his face or something. And don't think I'm dumb when you gave me the look of wanting to punch my face when you saw me wearing his hoodie. Apparently, you're just like the attention seeker who apparently glares at me and my best friend whenever we hang out with boys cause she has no one left other than her fake friends. Karma's getting back at you.

Insecurities

I hate that feeling of feeling insecure and in doubts over everything. I just tend to over think about everything which is not a good thing. Nothing is actually happening between the both of us but it just got me to over think this whole thing. Tomorrow will be a month since we confessed to each other. I know I'm lame for keeping tabs but I'm a girl so that's to be expected. Another month closer to be with you. I should stop worrying and focus on my studies instead. Mama and Papa are not pleased with me since they think I'm falling deeper in love with him so I'm gonna prove them wrong. It feels kinda disappointing that they don't trust me but what hurts is that they won't even tell me anything and seems to be like pointing fingers to him because of my lack of interest in studying right now. You should never blame him. If there's a person who should be blame, it should be me so please stop making him look like the bad guy. I'm the one who's falling too hard and too fast.