Ignorance

Seriously, you are fucking pissing me off. Well, I'm sorry that I'm invading your breathing space. But, guess what? I don't care! Yeah, I'm going to prom, so why should you care? I know that you have over 200 guys lining up for you and I have none so? That doesn't mean anything. I'm just waiting for someone. The only reason that you have that bloody amount of guys lining up for you is because well, to put it straight, you're easy. Get what I mean? I honestly, still don't know what I did to you to get you all pissy-offish, but really, my life is way better without you in it. I can't believe that I used to call you my best friend last time. If only I knew what would happen now, I would have avoided you like the plague. So since prom is like 3 months away, I'm gonna save up my money unlike you and buy myself a nice dress unlike you who'd probably be buying it from the pasar malam, get myself a nice date who would actually wanna go with me, unlike you, enjoy myself with my best friend, unlike you and your fake friends but most of all, I'm gonna enjoy myself and not give a flying fuck. Ignoring you is way better than to think about what-ifs and making my life more miserable.

For The First Time

I dunno why I'm so afraid to lose you when you're not even mine. Yeah sure, we confessed to each other but how do I know that you won't lose your feelings for me? I'm so confused right now. Every time, I think of you, it puts a smile on my face but at the same time, I would cry. Who would have thought that you could have such an effect on me like this? Yes, I get jealous whenever you talk or converse with other girls but it's not me being clingy, it's just me being afraid to lose you. Am I falling too hard? Maybe I am. I wish for once, you could delve into my mind and feel everything that I'm feeling. You have no idea what you can do to me. I never had the opportunity to tell you how much you mean to me. I know we've only known each other for just a few months but ever since you walked into my life, I felt like I have something to look forward to. The days when I get to see you are the best ever. Everyday is my favourite day when I'm with you. And the days without you, are the longest ever. But maybe it's just me that's feeling this way. I want to go up to you and tell you how much I've grown to love your smile but I just can't. The promise that you made is not just hurting you but it's also hurting me because you have to stick by it and I have to follow because I don't want you to break that promise. These next few months will be the longest in my life. I hope that God would give me strength to get me through this. And I pray that you would keep your promise because I've waited for you. I'm never gonna give up on us. I'll do anything that I can for us. I would. That's my promise. I would love you and accept you. I might not be the best but I'll be everything more than what you deserve . I want to be your first and last love. I want you to know that I'll always be here for you even if you do not know it. Sometimes, I wonder why would God let us meet when all of us are about to go our separate ways? Maybe God has something in store for us and he wants us to be patient. I hope that you're the one for me. It's like first love all over again. The butterflies I get every time I see you, the blush staining my cheeks every time someone mentions my name, the beating of my heart whenever you're near me. That's how I feel. Your eyes, your smile, your scent, your laugh is becoming your drug. I'm writing this down so I can see it and read it over and over again to remind myself how much I love you. You're my pain, my medicine, my baby, the reason for my smile, my tears, the reason I smile to myself, the reason I listen to all the slow songs, the reason why I tend to look my best, you're my air, my blood but most of all you're my everything. Distance might keep us apart but my feelings for you will remain. I want you to know that I can go on forever but then it'll never end. My friends often asked me why I like you. I have no answer cause what I felt for you is overwhelming and indescribable. They don't see what I see in you. If only you could read this then you would know my true feelings. I can't say I love you now but someday when the time comes, I hope I will and i hope the person that I said it to would be you. You're my Prince Charming and my knight in shining armour. You saved me from myself and showed me the beauty of the world again. I've waited so long to open my heart to someone and it's you. I've only anted you even when there are others waiting for me. They won't understand why I chose you but they don't have to. I just pray that if we were meant to be, you'll treat me right and love me for who I am, through the ups and downs that would make our relationship stronger and hopefully lasts. I love you.

Moments

It's been like two weeks since we confessed to each other and we still have a long way to go till December. I know that I have to focus on my exams first but I guess I can't help thinking about him. Every moment that we spent together is my favourite moment. The small gestures such as the smiles, the giggles, the laughs, they are all my favourite memories. When we sit next to each other, there's just this feeling that I can't describe. His smell is intoxicating to me and I've grown to love it so much that it became a drug to me. I know that maybe I'm giving my all to this whole thing when he doesn't even know anything about it but I'll do anything to make it work and I pray that nothing will come between us cause I can't bear that thought. I love him...

Distance

I miss you so damn bloody much that it's driving me crazy. I really don't know what to do anymore and it's only been three days since I last saw you. I know that this whole thing is new to you and I'm willing to wait for you, no matter how long it takes. I don't want to come off as clingy or annoying so I'll try my best to make you comfortable. I'll do whatever it takes just to make sure that this whole thing is not just a dream. I really like you a lot. Scratch that, I love you and you mean everything to me. And this whole thing is killing me slowly. I don't want you to leave me. I really don't want to. I just hope that the only thing that would actually come between us is the distance between our houses but not our hearts.

With Ur Love

I'm still having butterflies whenever I think of you. I mean, the feeling still won't go away and the worst part is my parents knew. Cause they saw us yesterday. Yup, the secret's out but only between me and my parents. Our secret's still safe. I hope. I mean my friend just doesn't like the fact that I have feelings for you but you know if he's my friend he just has to accept it. Somehow the days seem longer without me seeing you but what can I do? I really wanna spend more time with you. I feel like I could do anything with you, be myself with you. I can do anything with your love.

Don't Let Me Go

If I could describe my feelings right now, it would probably come in the form of a book. I feel so happy, relieved, glad, it's like a whole whirlwind of emotions. It's totally indescribable. Now, I finally know what they meant by being happy just because of one person. I can't reveal anything cause we made a promise and yeah, I'll leave it at that. I just pray that you won't let me go as easily as anything. I love you.

Dear God

Okay, I know it's like forever since I last updated but I was really busy. A whole lot of things happened in July. First, was the hangout. Last Friday, the four of us hung out like usual but this time it was for breaking fast. I dunno what my exact feelings were on that day but I guess I was the happiest person alive. My crush made it and I guess it was one of the best moment of my life where I got to just be there with him. And when he held my hand, it was indescribable. It was everything I've always wanted. His hand was so warm and it made me feel safe. Waking up beside him was like finally realizing that it was not a dream. But too bad that we would only remain as friends. And today, he showed another side of him. The caring side. He lend me his hoodie cause I was cold and it was really sweet and if I could I would totally bring his hoodie back home with me but I can't cause I don't think that's what friends do. I dunno what are we exactly? Are we friends or are we a bit more than that? Cause we've been texting nearly everyday now and I really don't want it to stop. You're always on my mind and I know that I'm nothing more than just a friend to you. Dear God, sometimes I wonder why would you let us meet knowing that nothing will come out of it?